Monkey movement

Tonight our amazing surrogate texted me to say that her suspicions were confirmed today...she can feel our monkey squirming!! I cried, I think Shorty cried. What an amazing feeling to know that our little Bennett is moving around in there :-) I just have no words to explain how I feel right now. :-)

Beats and baby

Omg..it's been so crazy around here that I have been a terrible blogger! We heard Baby Bennett's heart beat loud and clear! It was an awesome moment. Solid and strong at 142 BPM. (all the old wives tales say that means it's a boy but I'm sticking with girl lol) This week we are the size of an avocado. Muscles are developing and his/her face can display some expressions. Our little monkey weighs almost 3 ounces! :-) Next step...we get to see Baby Bennett on ultrasound in just a few weeks!! Though we will NOT be finding out the sex we are so very excited to get to see him or her. It really is going quickly we are almost to the halfway point!! On a separate note...we are fighting our way to buy a house. we were supposed to close tomorrow and then a week ago something showed on a credit report that shouldn't have and now....well we may or may not be homeowners before the baby arrives. It is probably a good thing that I am not the pregnant one because this is a ton of stress right now and that would really take it's toll.

Moving fast!

We are almost out of the first trimester! Woohoo! We will get to hear our monkeys heartbeat for the first time I'm less than 3 weeks. I can't wait! !

On another note...this will we went from only 3 fur kids to having 3 fur kids and two boys lol we have the nephews for 10 days so we went from nothing to a 9 and a 5 year old boy running around! Oy vay!

10 weeks...woohoo!

We are now 10 weeks pregnant :-) Our baby is the size of a kumquat but it's internal organs are starting to form, fingers and toes can move, and the brain is forming very quickly. The next OB appt is next week but it will be all about the TS so we aren't attending. We will, however go to the 15 week appointment because we are pretty sure we will get to hear the heartbeat on doppler! then 5 short weeks later we will have a 20 week u/s where we will NOT be finding out the sex of the baby! The bigger thing going on for us right now is this whole house buying debacle. It has been an absolute nightmare! We are in contract on our third house. Waiting for the appraisal...we thought. Then we got a call today from the mortgage broker. Rates have gone up an entire percentage point! And that is very bad news for us. What that meant was that now, with Shorty's current debt, we couldn't qualify for the house we are in contract on bc it would raise our mortgage and therefore her debt-to-income ratio. Are you kidding me??? We were qualified just fine for this when we started this process back in March. So, my quick thinking meant that this crisis only lasted about an hour. Since the VA still uses the "place of residence" rule we can't use my income on our home loan. This is only good for us in that it doesn't matter how much debt is in my name, only what's in Shorty's. So one quick trip to the bank and one loan out of Shorty's name and into mine...means we are still qualified for the home...whew! But it also means our mortgage payment is $150 more than what we had originally planned. ugh. It was either that or start looking for a house that is 20k less than what we were looking at. 20k less on a house and only $150 less a month=a house that needs a lot more work/updating/changing=more money spent in the long run. So, I am playing with the budget and we will work it out! Here's to hoping we get a quick and high appraisal and can move forward!! fingers and toes crossed!

The tides they are a' changin'

Yesterday was a historic day! Shorty and I have been hoping and wishing that by the time our baby arrives in January we could be a legally married couple and be a "legitimate" family in the eyes of the federal government. We have a domestic partnership in Oregon (that, for now, has a constitutional ban on gay marriage). There are still so many things to work out but I believe this will bring our family protections and benefits we weren't afforded before. On a baby note....we are up to the size of a cherry!! Almost to a kumquat :-) Toes are growing, fingers and joints are starting to move...and next week we will be at 10 weeks....almost out of the first trimester already! Our amazing surro has had very little morning sickness, it comes and goes at least. She bought one of those sea bands early on...I hope that is helping when it does hit. We are slowly but surely buying a ton of baby clothes!! lol We are not-so-patiently awaiting closing on a house before buying any big items...and we need to be a bit reserved because I have a feeling that with 2 baby showers we will get a load of things! :-) I'm not sure if I have said this yet but we are NOT finding out the sex of the baby. This is a sore spot for many of our friends and family and I say....tough. We don't get to feel the first kick, movement, etc so this our thing we can control. It's very exciting to be waiting!!!

The greatest gift

So I am watching "I'm Having Their Baby" and it is making me cry. I know the circumstances are different for the girls on here. They are putting their babies up for adoption, they didn't get pregnant for the specific couple. It just makes me think how amazing it is to have someone willing to do this for us. These moms are all having such a hard time making the decision to give their baby to a family that can give them a better life and I can't imagine how that feels. One of the moms decided after the baby was born to keep him and I think about how that would feel and I just can't. I also know that there are emotions that will surface from both our TS and from Shorty and me as we get further into this. We don't know what those will be. I don't think I can describe the feelings right now and how much joy and happiness and amazement and love (ok maybe I can describe it!) that I am feeling. I just want to tell everyone that will listen that we have an amazing TS that is giving us a gift that can never be matched. Our little Audrey or Bennett will forever be the greatest gift that has ever been given to us.

In love!

Our first u/s pics and we are already head over heels! We saw a nice strong heartbeat, 140 beats/min. Our little blueberry is doubling in size every week! This made it very real that we are having a baby. I honestly don't know if I will have a complete grasp of the reality until we have a baby in our arms though. Having a surrogate is a blessing let me tell you...and its a little weird too because we don't feel anything, or see our own baby bump growing. But seeing that little tiny heart fluttering away...Oh that was mind blowing :-)

Cute Baby Stuff!

So I decided that I wanted to go through our baby boxes. We own a ton of stuff already! two crib sets including bumper and skirt and many many crib sheets, mattress pad, receiving blankets...though it's only 3 bins so I am sure we will need a lot more! When I was going through the clothes and showing them all to Shorty I suddenly realized...WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!! In 34ish weeks those tiny little clothes will be filled with a tiny little being that is ours. Our baby that we wanted, worked so hard for, and have finally "made". Our baby that is going to grow up in a family with two moms that already love it more than anything, our baby that has a loving extended family including god parents and chosen family. Our baby. It is unbelievable that in one week we will see our little blueberry and see its heart beating like crazy :-) I will probably cry...and I will post a picture next week :-)

Great Beta numbers!!!

So, our TS Beta numbers were 68.8 14 dpo (days past ovulation) and today 16 dpo her beta was 158.8. More than double is good!!! That means it is a for sure pregnancy and doubling like it should be! OMG....we're going to be mommies! this is amazing. Shorty and I can't even believe it's for real :-) Scheduling the first ultrasound for 7 weeks, which is amazingly 2 1/2 weeks away!!!!!!!! omg we are going to see the very first picture of our baby in 2 1/2 weeks :-)

Looks positive to me...

Well, that many tests can't be wrong! 1st Beta today, then again Wednesday. I'm sure I will be a better blogger now that I will have so much more to share! :-)

BFP! ! !

Omg! This is what our surrogate surprised us with yesterday! She sent a box with my mother for us to open. Inside was a baby blanket, an adorable outfit and these! ! !

Third time's a charm!

Ok...Guido it's time to do your thing! Dr said our TS Follicles and lining looked great! He was happy with Guido and said count appeared to be "as advertised" lol TS also said the Dr mentioned the possibility of twins :-) if only we could be so lucky! ! Shorty and I weren't able to be there today for the IUI but sending baby dust for sure! Also the last two  times the catheter was not so easy to get into her cervix but this time it went in nice and easy! ! 

I am remaining hopeful! It's all I can do so that I don't make myself crazy. The two weeks between a negative pg test and the next IUI are very difficult emotionally but then we do another IUI and I'm suddenly renewed with hope. That's the roller coaster off TTC up and down emotions. It's what we signed on for I guess.

Fingers and toes crossed, baby dust baby dust baby dust! !

2nd Big Fat Negative...

It was negative...again. This is very disappointing, disheartening, discouraging...you get the idea. We said we will try up to 5 times, and I think we didn't think it would take that long. Two weeks will be try #3 (officially for me for all the times I have tried plus the times we have tried with surro-try #11). I have had 10 negatives over the course of several years...I don't know how many more I can take. Each time we have a negative we discuss what our other options are, this time we feel like we have crossed one more option off the list. We aren't giving up-I don't think. Correction, we aren't going to stop trying but I'm not sure that we haven't given up. Shorty said she hates the feeling of spending money and not getting anything in return. I can't help but think with each negative about how much money we have put into trying to have a baby with nothing to show. We both want a newborn and don't want to miss out on those amazing years, I think that's why we keep trying. Adopting a newborn is crazy expensive, like 20k-30k! ugh...ok enough whining for now. I will keep the posts coming if anything changes or when the next attempt happens

waiting but....

well, we are waiting until "the bitch" actually arrives, but not looking good. We had a "faint positive" 7.5 dpo, but apparently got more faint then basically nothing. I am holding out hope but feeling devastated at the same time. I think the hardest part for me is when everything is "perfect" and we still aren't pregnant, I can't imagine what could be going wrong. Maybe we aren't meant to have a newborn? We aren't giving up, we still have 3 tries left before the contract runs out and we move on. I wouldn't mind trying IVF it it wasn't so damned expensive! We can even get donor embryos...but we can also look into adoption. Again, that would mean no newborn probably because that is crazy expensive too! ok...I might be done venting....maybe...

I usually hate Monday's

I am not a fan of Monday usually. It means I have to wait an entire week to get a day that I don't have to be at work/school. But this week is different. Monday is a ginormous day for us! IUI #2 is Monday morning! This time we had 2 follicles, count them 2, that were both 21mm!!! Amazing! Now Guido...I am sure his swimmers can find their way to one or both of those eggs and do their thing :-) I will miss the IUI again but Shorty will be there and I will be there in spirit, thoughts, hopes etc. Also on Monday-we will find out if our offer was accepted on a house! I know we said we weren't going to try to get pregnant and buy a house at the same time but since it isn't me trying to get knocked up it seems like it's ok to put that stress on us. The house we found is great! Move in ready, which I love. We don't even have to paint because we love the colors :-) The few things that we will do are want to do rather than need to do, and they aren't expensive projects but will greatly improve the resale value of the house. Let's hope this TWW goes by quickly because we are worrying about house stuff and not even thinking about how long it has been since IUI!

Happy Easter! This could be the week of try #2. Joy has an US on Thursday to determine where she is and when to give the trigger shot. Again, we have to choose another donor. This will be donor #4 for us...2 different ones when I was TTC and now 2 with the surro. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or bad? Maybe we haven't made it to the right donor yet and that is why we have to keep trying? Shorty has been searching through donors and has found one that was described as having "a strong chin". I'm pretty sure we have mentioned before that one of the biggest things we want our donor/baby to have...is a chin! lol So the donor with the strong chin is a strong candidate. I also like what he has to say, he is tenacious, daring, and adventurous, all the things we hope our child(ren) will possess. I couldn't help myself giving him a nickname-Guido. He's irish and italian....it was either Guido or O'shanahan...so i went with Guido! lol More to come this week once we know how the follicles look and when the trigger shot will be. It is possible that this month both Shorty and I will get to be there for the IUI! Fertility gods do your thing! Baby dust, thoughts, prayers, whatever works for you and will work for us!! :-)

The bitch arrived

Ok so the bitch arrived today which means joy is officially not pregnant this cycle. Honestly...I kind of don't feel anything. I am used to the negative test so it just feels like just another day...school, work, not pregnant. So two weeks, again. We will try try again until we decide it just isn't meant to happen and we adopt. I have faith that we will get pregnant, hopefully sooner than later, but I think it will happen.

not today...

Maybe we were early, maybe it really didn't take...but the HPT was negative :-( We are going to test again on Saturday since it will be officially 2 weeks. If it's still negative...then try try again next month!

Isn't it Tuesday yet???

I seriously hate the 2week wait aka 2ww in the trying to conceive (ttc) world! technically, we could have possibly tested today but we are only 8 days past ovulation so our accuracy is only like 68%. Waiting until Tuesday gives us virtually 100% accurate HPT results. I have two finals on Tuesday and Joy has finals on Tuesday too so we decided to test Tuesday afternoon. Not sure if we will be more or less focused! But the extreme emotions associated with finding out, good or bad, could be bad for our test taking skills lol. I haven't been this excited for a date since the first date with Shorty :-) I am actually at the point of counting the hours now! lol realistically...we are just over 48 hours away from 1 of 2 things: another 2ww or the greatest joy and excitement Shorty and I have ever felt, hoping for the latter of course!

So if you read my wifes post you will know that she set me up pretty good. She says she likes to put me in uncomfortable situations because I don't embarrass easily. Well yesterday I did, it felt like I was cheating on my wife because as Kandi said either spouse wasn't there. But Joy and I joked our way through it and were really excited. Now the 2 week process begins. I am hopefull we will get a positive and then it will be 7 weeks until we can hear our baby and then all the other things leading up to meeting our little one in 9 months.I have included the Follicle picture and added some caption "This could be our baby. GO TONY find out in 2 weeks" Cher I hope you set your calender 2 weeks we find out lol. I am over the moon I can't believe in 2 weeks our lives could forever change and that excites me more than anything in the world. I can't wait to be a mom I just love kids and I can't wait to have one that both Kandi and I can mold into an amazing person. I know when it's right and if it's meant to be it will happen. I just can't believe it has been so hard for us because we both have so much love to give to a child. Like I said when it's time it will happen and I feel that things are happening now. So 2weeks from now you will be getting an update. Stay tuned everyone and thanks for following our blog.