waiting but....

well, we are waiting until "the bitch" actually arrives, but not looking good. We had a "faint positive" 7.5 dpo, but apparently got more faint then basically nothing. I am holding out hope but feeling devastated at the same time. I think the hardest part for me is when everything is "perfect" and we still aren't pregnant, I can't imagine what could be going wrong. Maybe we aren't meant to have a newborn? We aren't giving up, we still have 3 tries left before the contract runs out and we move on. I wouldn't mind trying IVF it it wasn't so damned expensive! We can even get donor embryos...but we can also look into adoption. Again, that would mean no newborn probably because that is crazy expensive too! ok...I might be done venting....maybe...