Merry Christmas...and hopefully a happier new year

so, we went to the dr and had an ultrasound and estradiol test on day 15 bc I hadn't gotten a positive OPK yet (started them day 12). well the ultrasound showed, what we thought, was a follicle about 19cm and a nice thick lining...but estradiol was only 125 (last month is was over 600 when we did IUI!) I had a feeling we had missed ov so we did a progesterone test to see...sure enough it showed that I had already ovulated which meant that the "follicle" was actually a cyst. There was some fluid leaking from the cyst and that is most likely what had caused the pain early on. I think, even though we missed it, that the mature follicles were on the left anyway-that will keep me sane if I think that lol.

We are trying clomid, again. it feels like it isn't working but in reality we have only done one IUI using clomid. the first month we didn't use it, the last three we have but had two left-sided ov. We are really hoping that the new year brings new hope and new life. Somewhere around Jan 4th we will, hopefully, try again. *sigh*

wow...its been awhile

I had no idea that we haven't written in our blog since Halloween! Ok, so we did get to inseminate in November but it was unsuccessful again. It was a rough month for us-on the morning of insemination, we had to make the decision to put our oldest dog down. He was 16 and had lived a good life, but it is never easy to make that decision. He has been with my partner for his entire 16 years except for the year she spent serving in Afghanistan. We made a trip to the vet in the morning and then, through tears and sobbing most of the way, drove the 70 miles to the Dr to try to get some good news. The Dr's were all so amazing to us. We told our nurse and every person we saw after that was so sweet and told us how sorry they were for our loss. It was such a roller coaster feeling because we were sad but wanted to feel excited and hopeful at the same time. The let down of a negative test was exacerbated by the loss of our family member.
We are feeling so very frustrated...and we've only been trying for 4 months, I can't imagine doing this for years without success.

This month we are trying clomid again. I have been feeling like I am going to ovulate on the left side again but the dr says that our bodies don't always alternate L, R, L etc. so we are believing her since she is the MD lol.

on Thursday I was having crazy pains in my right side (so bad that i thought it was an appendicitis!) So I am really just keeping my hopes up that it is my right ovary maturing follicles like it is supposed to!

We find out tomorrow because we are going for a blood estradiol test and an ultrasound...fingers crossed!

oh it's been awhile...

Ok, so it has been nearly all month since my last post. Here's the quick update: follicles were all on the left last cycle so we did nothing. ugh... but we are still on our way. Started clomid again this cycle, today is day 7 so the last day of clomid. What we are doing differently this time is that we did an estradiol blood draw on day 3 and will do them on days 9, 11, and 13. That way the doc can track the rise since it seems that my OPK is not working terribly well!  I also had them do a day 3 FSH. This, if elevated, will tell us that I have low egg quality and we will need to re-evaluate our process. Either way, we are still moving forward :-)

HSG update

So, the HSG was actually not painful this time just a little annoying. The Dr couldn't get the cath to stay in with the balloon so it took literally 10 min of me sitting there with my legs up and my business all out there lol.
Results were the same, blocked left tube-completely. The dye is supposed to go through the tube and dump out into your pelvic cavity. It did that on the right side but the left did not go anywhere, completely blocked right at the uterus.
On a more positive note....today is Sunday and Shorty will be home from her weekend of photography! AND....I didn't get a positive until today!! yay!! good job body, for once you did what you were supposed to when we thought you would! To Medford we go in the early morning tomorrow to have the ultrasound and make sure of a few things: my lining didn't thin from the clomid, my follicles really are large and ready to ovulate and we have to see which side they are on. If they are on the left and there are no mature follicles on the right then we will probably decide to wait another month and not waste the sperm and the money to try when we know the tube is blocked. But if they are on the right...please please please be on the right....then we will go ahead and inseminate tomorrow for our second round of IUI. fingers crossed.

Day 9

So today is Day 9 of cycle 2. Took clomid days 3-7 and now will begin OPK testing on day 11. Ordered the second vial of "goods" today too! The Dr wants to get another hysterosalpingogram (hsg) that is where they shoot dye into my uterus while taking an xray to see the shape and if my tubes are actually blocked. Since I don't have any of the known reason to have a blocked tube, my dr is wondering if it really is blocked, is still blocked, or just had a spasm during the test. last time the test was very painful i didn't like it at all! so this time I got an Rx for an anti anxiety...that should help a lot though I have to go to work afterward so i hope it doesn't last too long!

This weekend is the weekend we will try our second IUI...the only snag...Shorty may or may not be here! She has 5 photo shoots in Portland this weekend and on the off chance that I get a positive test on friday or saturday...that would really suck for her not to be present and not be able to do the actual insemination. but we will have to play-it-by-ear just like the rest of this whole trying to conceive business!

The cycle starts again

So, literally, the cycle starts again. I started my period yesterday. In talking with our Dr, Shorty and I decided to be aggressive this time around. Even though we have only done IUI once, I have tried unsuccessfully now 6 times so we decided to go ahead with Clomid for this cycle. We are hoping that this helps ensure ovulation but also helps ovulation from the right side since I have a left tube that is blocked. We will start the Clomid tomorrow, day 3, and then do a mid-cycle ultrasound to check out the lining (clomid can cause the lining to be thin) and to see the mature follicles. This time around I think we will be less crazy because we know a little more what to expect and hopefully will have our wits about us!

not this month

well the blood test today was negative.  they asked when we did the IUI, I said Saturday, and they want me to retest on Monday if AF hasn't come (which if my body does what it always does it will have come by then.) I cried, a lot, and cried some more. I realize this is only our first IUI but it is my 6th time trying to get pregnant. I can't help but feel defeated and that my body is just not suited or can't get pregnant. That is me being dramatic, I know, but it is how I feel-I can't help it. Will post an update either monday or before.

Thursday....

Ok, so the waiting for AF (aunt flow) lol is killing us! so...we are going to the Dr on Thursday for a blood test. I want a definitive answer, and I want it when I want it. For those of you reading this that know me, you know that is always how I am hahaha. I am just hoping and dieing to hear the word "congratulations" come out of the dr's mouth! The Dr said Thursday is perfect timing to test. I must confess, I did call the dr to ask if that was a good day or if we have to wait :-) Will absolutely post an update Thursday night when we know for sure.

ooh the agony...

OMG...the waiting is excruciating lol. Shorty will tell anyone that I am obsessive and I loooove researching things. So everyday, I am online looking up something different and trying to figure out if some of the things I am feeling could be the earliest signs of pregnancy. I have had a headache the last couple of days and feeling something like mild cramps in my abdomen (kind of like feeling full and I can't really suck it in). I am trying to remain rational about this whole thing while Shorty, on the other hand, is ecstatic and swears we are pregnant. She is so cute :-) talking to my belly, saying "how's our baby?" I am not sure how women make it through 2 weeks without peeing on a stick every day! lol I have heard from several people that they knew immediately that they were pregnant, like within days. I would love to be that woman that could say, I knew at conception that I was pregnant. Only time will tell I guess.....

ugh the heat

so yesterday, against the wishes of my dear wife but with the blessing of our Dr, I went to a horse show. Riding was fine, nbd...the heat, however, was brutal. My back looks like a lobster lol. The worst part about it is that I get migraines in the sun and this day was no different...except that usually I take a shit-ton of advil to help keep the pain at bay and try to make it go away. Now, with possible-HOPEFUL-implantation taking place, I could not take advil. We had discussed this with the Dr beforehand and she said NO advil after my period bc it interferes with implantation. I felt it coming on and tried to cool myself down with a wet towel, staying in the AC and in the shade but nothing worked. My wife, amazing as she is, took great care of me. I took some Tylenol, and slept on the 90 min drive home with the head half way out the window enjoying the wind in my face.  Still no better when we got home so I went to lie down in our bed and once Shorty put a cold, wet cloth on my forehead/face I started to feel better. A warm shower and then a long nights sleep and the headache is gone today, thank goodness!! That was awful and I really hope I am not one that gets migraines during pg...if I do, I now know that I can deal with it and get rid of it thanks to my sweetheart :-)

WOW words cant describe how I feel

So we got another neg OPK test today and we set out to get blood tests. Ill let Kandi explain all of that I have to add all the messages that I thought were posted but turned out that from my phone it comes up like alien writting.
1) this is what I came up with on our long drive over to Medford.  "Here is a metaphor I have come up with as we drive this long 1.5hr drive to Medford so we can have blood drawn to see what the estrodial levels are. We think that today is the day. Getting on to the metaphor each time we drive down the  road to Medford we talk about what kind of parents we will be and how excited we are to become parents. A lot of I love you's take place, smiles and hand holding. And every time we come back down the long road we know one day we will be coming just a married couple but coming back as parents. So every time you travel down the long road you start as who you are but come back a stronger better person some times with a new life that you can't wait to meet.
( Wow was that an understatement now that I look back on the day)
2) Estrodial 340 hell yeah were inseminating in 10mins OMG my stomach is in knots and can't sit still omg were doing it now it will become a 2wk wait to see if it will take I know in my heart everything is right.
So now that I have you up to speed in English of what took place today. We can go to my part in the insemination. Kandi and I asked if I can inseminate and the doc said of course. We had to wait for the our kids to get spun before we could begin. The doc comes in tells Kandi to get undressed and hands me the vial of our kids wrapped in a paper towel and tells me to stick it somewhere to warm it up. I automatically stuck it under my left boob without thinking. Kandi and I were talking and I said I'm making our child be left handed because that's what boob I stuck it in ( I am pretty quick with being witty) I then said no I just wanted to keep them close to my heart lol. So we sat there with Kandi half naked on the table and our kids under my boob waiting I think for like 10 mins. The doc comes in tells me I did a good job at warming them up and asked if I wanted to see them under a microscope I said hell yeah I wanna see. so I got to see them it was crazy. I went into the room and Kandi said what you get to see our kids first I said yep that's my side of the deal lol. I actually got to see the doctors view of putting a speculum in which was cool the doc said Ill hook up the syringe and you can push it in. I was alright it took 2 secs. then it was a 20 min wait and in that 20 mins several thoughts go through your mind. but as I looked at my wife I found my love for her which already runs as deep as I thought it could run but nope it grew deeper and stronger knowing Im looking into the eyes of our kids mom. and knowing I couldn't have picked a better person to be the mom of our kids. Of course we talked and laughed. We drove home and on the way home Kandi said this is that ride we were talking about were coming back parents. I said yep it's amazing. ( I know we said we would be totally open with this blog but I think some of the things and emotions shared in the room and on the ride home I want to keep sacred between Kandi and I) So now it's a waiting game for 14 days when we can take the test. but I will say my body is more relaxed knowing we don't have to drive back to Medford we just have to wait and I am exhausted. 

Finally!!

OMG after two local tries to get my estradiol test, we headed to Medford hospital...the only hospital, it seems, that can do a STAT blood test on a weekend. Weeeellll.....low and behold it was 340!!! woohoo!! The Dr was certain that today was the day and so were we :-) So we have now officially completed our first IUI....now a 2ww to pee on yet another stick. at least now I get to sleep through the night and not have to worry about peeing on a stick twice a day lol

Waiting game...

This double blogging might get a little old...but at least you will have the bio and non-bio mom perspective!

This afternoon...another negative. The plan now? Test again tonight and tomorrow, if both are negative its time for a blood test. There is a possibility that I will be giving blood every day for the next 3 or 4 days until we get a high enough number to actually inseminate. Oh goody...I hate needles.

I know this is our first official try but as Shorty said, I have tried before (not IUI just AI at home.) I am anxiously waiting for my body to do what I know it does naturally so that we can get on with the baby growing!

It begins

All I can say is this baby making business is stressful lol. when you begin the process you have to decide who is going to carry and how your going to go about getting the sperm. We decided to go through an sperm bank which is  a great way to go and a bit cheaper as I have been told. You don't have to go through the legal part getting contracts drawn up, paying for the donor to go to the doctor for tests and then to have the sperm washed and other things. With a sperm bank everything is already taken care of. So you and your partner sit down and start reading and sorting through guys on the journey to find the perfect sperm. It was a very interesting journey. We did however pick 2 that we thought would be great. So number @#$% was our guy. I get a call from Kandi saying that he was available and that we should buy him. I said alright lets do this. A few mins later I get a call from Kandi again saying oh my god we bought sperm. We were both really excited when we got off the phone I text the 4 people that I agreed would be the ones that I would tell until we told everyone once we were 10 wks along. We made a doctors appointment and off to Medford we go which is 1.5 hours away from our house. My wife is a planner and already knew what to expect because she had tried IUI once before. I had no clue what to expect. The appointment went great and we were on our way to starting our family.
I am a photographer and I was working on a project Tuesday morning at the kitchen table when Kandi comes out of the bathroom and throws the OPK (ovulation predictor kit) on the table and said it's smiling were going to Medford. We were so excited so we called the doctor and sure enough off to Medford we went. I told Kandi that this is going to be the longest hour and a half drive of our lives. We get to the doctor they do an ultrasound and we find that the folical was only 13.5 and her lining was only 7 so we had to wait. We got a negative OPK on Thursday which was the day we were suppose to go back to the doctor. We went got the ultrasound the folical was 18 (it's suppose to be 16-29 and lining is suppose to be 10 in order to be considered ripe) the linning was 10 We were ecstatic were going to inseminate we thought. Our doctor wanted to check her estdoral   and that needed to be at 200 in order to insemenate. We got a 115 or 118 I can't remember either way to low to to inseminate. We were disappointed that we once again were traveling the hour and a half back to our house with no sperm on board. Kandi is like clock work with her cycle and she thinks tomorrow is the day she will ovulate. Woke up today with a neg OPK so now it's a waiting game to see when her body decides it wants to ovulate. Needless to say were not sleeping well because were excited and anxious so when we do sleep were dreaming about the OPK tests. lol or at least I am. I hear her get up and I wait to hear a scream come from the bathroom saying were going to Medford. Granted we have only been trying to ovulate for 3 days now but come on already we want to inseminate already lol. So I will leave you with no ovulation yet but am very hopeful tomorrow will be our day and if it is then it's 2 wks to wait to find out if we can expect our little one in 9 month.

The Beginning of our story.

Kandi and I met through Match.com we went on 1 safety date ( for all of you who are like what is a safety date well it is when you go on a date with your friends in case it doesn't work out.) Needless to say she passed the safety date. We decided that we wanted to go on an official date. I knew I had to take her someplace special and beautiful so I decided Silver creek falls outside my home town. Kandi was a vegetarian at the time so I was preparing to have my 1st vegetarian meal ( I am a steak and potatoes kinda girl) as we were hiking this trail down to the waterfall she informed me that she didn't hike, she didn't camp, she didn't like the outdoors  which are all the things I love to do.We had a great conversation on the way. Coming back up it's pretty steep so we were hating life but refused to let the other one know. My first vegetarian meal was great we spread a blanket out by the creek and had wine and cheese and fake chicken salad as we sat there talking we discovered that when we talked about kids and marriage it was never when I have children and get married but When we have kids and get married. That day was I finally met the woman I was meant to be with my soul mate. ( I had already  had 2 failed marriages) After that day we spent everyday together and were married 4 months later with a surprise wedding that she planned in Vegas.  So now that I gave you the background on the story of us. We can move to current day and the baby process.

The journey begins

Hi! This is our blog about the journey to become pregnant! I can't promise we will post regularly as we are very busy people but we will do our best. My wife and I will both post so that should make it a little more frequent. My name is Kandi, my wife is Shorty and we have started this crazy journey to become parents.

Here's where we are so far:

We spent a lot of time trying to decide which one of us should carry first. We both want to be bio moms so there was a lot of discussion on this topic. Ultimately we decided that I should go first (too many reasons to go into on here lol) The other major decision-the sperm donor. We had initially decided to use a known donor, thinking that we wanted him to be a part of our lives and our children's lives. We have since changed our minds and chosen an anonymous donor from a semi-local sperm bank. That was quite the conversation!

We knew that we wanted a donor with Blond hair and Blue eyes, we both fit that description. The rest we were open about. I want someone intellectual, she wants someone athletic and we both want a sense of humor and adventure. Shorty definitely wants someone that is NOT hairy, red-headed or freckled hahaha  Some of these are hard to figure out from just what the donor himself has written! Oh to be a fly on the wall when we were discussing which donor to pick lol

We finally settled on 2 possible donors-we only wish we could see pictures! When we finally made the decision to purchase "the goods" I was actually at a business meeting, called to check on the availability and ended up purchasing! I was so excited I called Shorty immediately and said "oh my god, we did it...we bought the sperm and its on its way!" I think we must have sent texts to 6 different people letting them in on the good news!!

So with sperm on its way to our Dr it is really a waiting game to see what my body does on its own. No clomid, no drugs just my body, some fertility tea, prenatal vitamins, and a lot of hope. We are starting with IUI, 3 cycles at most without drugs and then we will go from there.

On Tuesday we had a positive OPK...but it was a false + as it was only day 10 of my cycle. So we rushed to the Dr (an hour and a half away due to no RE in our small town) only to be told that my endometrium was only at 7 and they wanted it at 9, but I did have a follicle that was maturing but was only 13.5 and they wanted it to be at least 18. We were disappointed to say the least but we trust the Dr to make the right decision.

Went back to the Dr today hoping for some good news. Neg OPK this morning but had labs and another ultrasound scheduled. Ultrasound was promising-lining 10 woohoo!! Follicle 18 yay!! Estradiol...115...boooo. So again, not quite ready for insemination. Dr expects a + OPK tomorrow or Saturday....more news to come hopefully a BFP OPK!!